A year already…hard to believe

It is so hard to lose the love of your life, your soul mate, your best friend and husband all in one fell swoop, but that is what happened just one short year ago now…

This past year has been inexplicably the longest year, and simultaneously, the shortest year of my life. I miss my Jim so much. I wish I could bring him back even for a short while just to sit and talk and share life with him once more.

What can one say after over 28 years of life with the person who was your other half.

Jim was an amazing man. He was one of the most intelligent people I have ever known and had great common sense; which is so often lacking in people who are that intelligent. He was one of the best diagnosticians I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. He understood so many subjects so well. Like my Dad he was a jack of all trades, master of none in their words, but truly master of many things in reality. Jim loved learning and he loved passing on that knowledge; giving freely that knowledge to others and helping them learn to learn at the same time.

He was a man that took learning and challenges to a whole new level. He could get into a project and go for days without sleep and eating little while he learned all he could about the subject in short order. He soaked up information like a sponge. He had a photographic memory for many years; until he said he ran out of film (Jim’s little joke).  Truth be told, he stopped using it except for special things because it hurt his head to use the gift.

We enjoyed so many things together; nature, animals, traveling, mountains, the ocean, hiking, camping, astronomy, all the sciences really including electronics and computer science, Linux, building things, chemistry in the lab or in the kitchen, music and so much more. We would sit and talk for hours about most anything.  I miss my best friend more than I can say…

I lost Jim on December 3rd 2014 and a piece of me feels irreparably missing in action … I feel like I will never be the same, and when you spend close to 30 years with someone nearly half one’s life, and you truly shared life together,  that really doesn’t sound all that unusual to me.

I have come across a few poems about losing someone as special as my soul mate, my best friend, my hubby, and I would like to share them with you all. I have found many more as well but these two will suffice for now.

“I could only be grateful when I realized that I would rather have known you for a moment than never at all.
I would rather endure this inexplicable pain of outliving you than to never have seen your face, spoken your name.
I would rather be yours and you mine, regardless.
Regardless of the sorrow, the sleepless nights, and the years I will walk this earth carrying you in my heart.”

And the following which is something that I am trying to come to terms with as it gives me comfort in its simple and complex truth:

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it.
You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never
be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to be.”

Until we meet again …

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